Perfection
by tmntisawesome123
Summary: Started as a one-shot. How does Leo REALLY deal with stress- if at all?
1. Chapter 1

**Any reviews would be greatly appreciated!**

I try to remember the first time I held myself back from doing something I wanted to do- ah, yes, it was when I was four and Raph was screaming in rage at me. I remember wanting to yell back. I remember wanting to accept his challenge to fight. But no. I couldn't. I held myself back. I figured, if I ignore them, my emotions will fade away over time. Instead, I calmly backed out of the fight and tried to resolve it peacefully. Master Splinter gave me a proud look, one that I instantly wanted more of. So from then on, restraining myself was second nature to me.

I never thought about all those emotions that I keep trapped inside.

And now, I wonder- as leader of this team, perhaps I should do something- anything- to get these feelings out. I want to scream. Or destroy something. Or throw something. Anything violent enough would work.

But I can't give myself that luxury. I can't let myself stray from the role of the calm and faithful leader.

In truth, as I stand here, on this rooftop, startled at these new feelings, I'm scared. I never thought emotions could build up like this. Why can't they just go away? Why, why, why?

Oh, Raph. Oh, Donnie. Oh, Mikey. If only you saw what your 'fearless' leader was doing now.

Violent thoughts run through my mind. I need to do something desperate.

"But I can't," I mutter to myself. "I am the leader. I must… be… perfection…"

I feel myself sink to my knees. How can something as little as a feeling cause all this? Am I insane? What's causing me to act like this?

The rage, sadness, joy, and worry in me build up, ever since I was four. It's all there… my mind is the dam holding it back. How long until that dam breaks?

_Turns out_, I think, as I brace myself to return to the sewers amongst my family, _meditation is only so helpful… _


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow! You guys are great! Two reviews, five favorites, and six followers! :) Thank you so much! Blueturtlepower4ever, I'm glad you like it so far. Dondena, I agree with you, Leo really was angry for a while there. Yukio87, dondena, Turtle Lover101, Belle the dragon, and AgirlKILLEDu14, thank you for favoriting. Yukio87, blueturtlepower4ever, Turtle Lover101, Nancy2013, Insanity21, and AgirlKILLEDu14, thank you for following the story. The one-shot in the first chapter I wrote as sort of a prologue, showing what's to come, so I hope you like the real thing! Reviews would be helpful! By the way, this might get violent and/or angsty, so be warned. Also, I've decided to change the name to Perfection. Hope you enjoy! **

Really, it didn't matter. And Leo _knew _that it didn't matter. However, he lived by rules of organization, and in his mind, everything had to be organized perfectly. This is how he came to be color-coding his bookshelf at one o clock in the morning.

Yawning, the blue-banded turtle sorted all the orange books into a pile before setting them aside. Was color-coding really the best way to go about it? Or did he have to alphabetize it? Maybe he should sort them by size. The big books could go on the last shelf, and-

"What the heck are ya doin?" grunted a voice near the door.

Leo stood and whirled around, finding Raph leaning against the doorway. All the turtles' doors seemed to reflect their personalities- Raph's was old and falling apart from being slammed in anger so much. Donnie's door creaked every time it opened from lack of use- he always shut himself in his room for hours on end, thinking about who knows what. Mikey's door- well, it was hard to tell Mikey even _had _a door. Every inch of it was covered with posters from rock bands, TV shows, movies, and lots of other things that Leo failed to recognize. (Including, at one point, a poster of a scantily clad girl that Master Splinter had ordered him to take down immediately. Leo had a secret suspicion that it was in the back of Mikey's closet.) Leo's door was a pure white color, free of any scratches or marks. It made no sound when it opened, nor did it resist movement. Leo couldn't help gritting his teeth as he noticed that Raph was twirling his sai dangerously close to his perfect door.

"Leo?"

"Hm?" Leo silently willed Raph to put away his weapon.

"Hey, Earth to Leo. I just got back from Casey's. What are ya still doin' up?"

"Just got back from Casey's?" Leo was dismayed. "I thought you had gotten back hours ago! You're supposed to be in bed!"

"So are you." Raph's eyes narrowed as he surveyed the leader in blue. "Leo, you've been acting funny lately."

Leo's mind whirled. He had been acting funny lately- Raph was right. First of all, he'd been quiet more and more often; second of all, he had been meditating more than he had been training; third of all, he was becoming a clean freak. Everything had to be in its proper place. Leo had decided that along with controlling his emotions, he could control his surroundings, as well. In fact, it was easier to control his surroundings. Maybe he had begun cleaning to get away from his constant vigilance over his feelings? Either way, it gave him power, which he liked. A lot.

"Yo, Leo! Ya deaf or what?"

Leo shook himself awake. "No, Raph, my hearing is perfectly fine. I suppose I've been acting a little differently, yes."

"Ya suppose? Leo, you're organizing your bookshelf at one AM."

"It was messy." That, at least, was true. Leo's room was perfectly impeccable, except for his bookshelf. It had always been that way. It had been that way for as long as Leo could remember. Then, as he lay in bed a couple hours ago, he happened to glance over and see it. It bothered him to no end, until finally he roused himself so he could get up and fix it.

"Heck, Leo, it's always been messy. What did you expect?" Raph threw his hands up in exasperation. "I'm just tryin' ta say that ya ain't the same! You're a firm believer in a good night's sleep, ain't cha?"

"Yes," replied Leo nervously. Why was Raph being so insistent? Honestly, he was almost there- he was almost truly perfect! He could feel it, he could just feel it! If one of his brothers- or, God forbid Master Splinter- found out that he was falling apart, then they might ruin it for him. Fear flooded his veins.

Raph narrowed his eyes again. "So what are ya doin up?"

"Raph, everyone has trouble sleeping now and then."

"You haven't."

Raph had a point. All the of Leo's brother's had had trouble sleeping at some point- Raph, because of his constant vigilante antics with Casey; Donnie, because he was trying to get yet another experiment done and it continued to plague his mind when he tried to go to bed; and of course Mikey, who often got so jacked up on sugar he would be bouncing off the walls. But Leo had never tried to go to sleep only to find rest impossible. No, he never struggled with insomnia, or nightmares, or any other sleeping issues. The only reason he was awake now was because he had forced himself to be awake. While Leo struggled with a reply that would leave Raph satisfied and possibly forget about the whole encounter, Raph went on to say:

"Oh, well, I guess there's a first fer everythin'. Tough luck, Fearless. You'll most likely be able to get to sleep tomorrow night, though. Good night."

"Good night, Raph. Thanks," Leo called as his brother left. The 'thanks' might have been interpreted as 'thanks for the talk' but really it meant 'thanks for not prodding me.'

Leo swallowed as he turned back to the bookshelf. Perfection- why was he so obsessed with it? Perfection wasn't a virtue- far from it. Wishing for perfection was like wishing for the impossible, which, Leo reminded himself, was a vice. Leo smiled to himself as he took into account that he wasn't wishing for perfection- he was acting towards perfection. By making sure his feelings stayed concealed and his leadership prevailed, he was becoming the best he could possibly be. Perfection could be achieved, and he was determined to become living proof.

Now, back to his bookshelf. Leo let his gaze travel all the different books that lay before him. Color-coding? Alphabetizing by the author's last name? What about by the book's title? Or what about size?

Suddenly, Leo felt dizzy. His head pounded, and he felt himself fall to the ground, fighting the sensation all the while.

_Blood. It was everywhere. New York City was covered in blood. Gasping and sputtering, Leo ran, ran for his life, questioning all the while what he was running from. He glanced behind him- nothing. Not even his brothers. Where were they? Fear took over Leo and forced him to run faster._

_ "__Raph! Don! Mikey!" he called. _

_Skidding to a stop on the roof of a hotel, Leo paused and looked over the streets. Dead bodies. Smashed cars. And that disgusting red substance. Every living thing was gone. Just… gone._

_Internally, Leo screamed. On the outside, he betrayed no emotion, trying to remain calm. _

_ "__Raph! Don! Mikey! Where are you?" he shouted, as loudly as he possibly could._

_Tears built up in his eyes. Leo blinked them away, irritated. It had been years since he cried, and he wouldn't let it happen, not here, not now. _

_ "__Master Splinter?" whispered Leo finally, scared to death. Everything was unnaturally and eerily quiet. Suddenly he got the urge to turn around. Unsheathing a katana, he acted on it, spinning around flawlessly._

_What met his eyes was worse than any horror movie._

_His brothers lay, dead, just a few feet from him. Raph had blood pouring out of a puncture on his throat, and it trickled down his body onto Don's head, which had become separated from his body. Mikey- oh poor, innocent Mikey- lay quietly, no blood trickling off of him, just- dead. _

_Leo felt nothing for a minute, except maybe disgust that Donnie's head wasn't attached to his body. Then, it came. The dam broke. Leo screamed, the loudest, most dramatic scream he had ever heard, as he sank to the ground. Every little emotion that was bottled up over the years- it had to come out. It just had to. _

_While that scream took a bit off his shoulders, Leo had to do something drastic. Standing up, he unsheathed his other katana, and he swung them both in the air at an invisible enemy, still yelling at the top of his lungs._

_After doing every single move he knew and then some, Leo threw his katanas off the building violently. He didn't turn around to see his brothers again. Instead, he closed his eyes and felt himself shaking. Suddenly, he heard a voice._

_ "__Leo, you've failed us."_

_It was Raph's voice, but deeper, darker. Don's voice joined in._

_ "__You could have saved us, Leo. Where were you? We needed you."_

_Finally, Mikey joined in. "Leo, you're nothing but a failure and a sorry excuse for honor."_

_Then, all the voices joined in one chant- "You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed."_

Leo jerked awake, his mouth open in a silent scream, and rubbed his head.

"It was a dream," he informed the books around him, who seemed to be disinclined to respond. "It was a dream… they're all safe. I haven't failed. New York is safe. Nobody's dead."

Sighing in relief, Leo sat up and looked at the clock. Seven AM. He'd slept in.

Standing up, Leo put a hand on the bookshelf for support. It was empty, since all the books were on the floor. Right. The floor. Leo winced as he rolled his shoulders and let his sore muscles work themselves. He hadn't chosen the best place to sleep.

Leo glanced over at his door. "Oh, no," he muttered to himself. The door had been open all night- Master Splinter had probably gone to see why Leo wasn't up early practicing, and found him on the floor among all his books… If there was one thing Leo couldn't stand, it was not living up to Master Splinter's expectations.

Leonardo peeked out of his door, glancing down the hall at the dojo. Surprised to find it empty, he ventured out of his room, only to find nobody waiting for him. Frowning, he hurried to the kitchen.

The kitchen was a disaster that particular morning. Mikey had spilled about half a carton of milk, and now he was reclining leisurely in his chair while Raph, cursing strongly, was using the roll of paper towels that Donnie was holding to wipe it up. Aside from that, there was a much smaller coffee spill on the counter from Don that no one had bothered to clean up, and someone had spilled all the raison bran into the sink.

"Hey there, Leo!" cried Mikey cheerfully, waving to his oldest brother. "I have nothing to do with that mess over there!"

Despite himself, Leo felt a fond smile creep onto his features. What would he do without his brothers? He was especially happy that they weren't dead, as his dream had depicted them. However, he needed to be stern for Mikey.

"Mikey, how many times have I told you to be careful with the milk?" Leo asked.

"Uh…" Mikey started counting on his fingers.

"Eleven and counting," said Donnie promptly. Raph rolled his eyes and continued cursing under his breath.

"Mikey, you clean up the sink. Donnie, you can use some of those paper towels for that coffee spill over there. Raph, hand me a couple of those napkins, I'll help you with the milk." As Leo issued these commands, he pointed at the brother he was addressing, and then at the corresponding mess. With reluctant sighs, the three turtles did their brother's bidding.

"Manage ta get to sleep?" asked Raph quietly as Leo bent down to help him.

"Yes," said Leo, a little too quickly.

"I saw ya, Fearless. You were, like, passed out. I don't know what ta tell ya, but there's somethin' wrong with ya." And Raph truly believed what he was saying. He was worried for his brother's sake- and considering that brother was Leo, then this was something very rare indeed.

"Raph, please." Leo summoned a smile to help convince Raph. "I'm fine, I promise. I've been feeling a little off lately, but it'll go away in a while."

Raph eyed him. "Are you sure?"

Leo had no choice but to look away and pretend to be very concerned with the milk. "Of course I'm sure."

"Dudes, hurry! I just heard Splinter's door opening!" cried Mikey, throwing the last of the cereal into the trash can.

Donnie, who had already finished with the coffee, helped Raph and Leo throw away the used paper towels from the Great Milk Spill. Leo was sure that this would go down in history, along with the Great Cheetos Spill and the Great Apple Cider Spill.

Fortunately, by the time Master Splinter strolled in, his sons were all sitting at the table and eating their various breakfasts (two pop tarts and a bowl of sugary cereal for Mikey, a quick waffle without the maple syrup for Raph, a cup of coffee for Donnie, and some yogurt and a piece of toast for Leo).

"Good morning, my sons," Splinter greeted them. "I trust you all slept well?"

This was met by a chorus of 'yes' from Raph, Don, and Mikey. Raph, of course, hadn't slept well due to being out with Casey half the night, but he always lied to Splinter. Leo had never lied to Splinter- ever.

"Mine could have been better, Master," Leo admitted, digging a spoon into his yogurt.

"Leonardo. You have never had trouble sleeping before. Is there a problem?"

"No, Master Splinter. I'm fine." Right after Leo said this, Raph snorted in a disbelieving manner, shoving the rest of his waffle into his mouth. Splinter raised his eyebrows as he set about making his morning tea, but made no comment. Leo shot Raph a glare.

Leo had only one thought. He had to get out of there before Raph revealed anything else about the true happenings of last night.

"Master Splinter, would you mind if I went to April's for the morning?" asked Leo.

The rat turned and gave his son a skeptical look. "What for, Leonardo?"

"I…" Clearly, Leo should have thought this out better. "I just saw these two weird looking guys outside her place last night when I was on patrol. They went right past her house, but I want to make sure she's alright."

Splinter nodded. "Very well. Training has been cancelled today."

Raph gave a fist pump, Don broke into a grin, and Mikey jumped up and cheered, knocking his cereal bowl over in the process.

Before giving Mikey a stern look, Leo turned to Splinter. "Why, Sensei?"

"You have been pressuring yourself lately, Leonardo. I want you to take a break," replied the rat. "Please, rest. Meditate. Do whatever you like, but training is cancelled."

"Yes, Master Splinter." Leo bowed his head obediently. "I'm leaving now."

"Very well. Be careful. Do not be spotted."

"Yes, Sensei." Simple orders. Child's play. "Goodbye."

"Goodbye, Leonardo."

"Later, dude!" called Mikey, who was wiping up the most recent spill.

Raph, however, gave Leo a soul-searching look. Leo gulped and couldn't help trembling slightly under his gaze, before he departed, eager for a break from his family.

Ten minutes later, he was in April's living room as she prepared tea for him in the kitchen. Leo had already interrogated her about the weird looking guys- he hadn't made that up- and they were now onto more cheerful topics.

"So is he moving here or are you moving there?" Leo asked. 'He' was Casey, who had finally decided to ask April to live with him.

"I'm moving to his apartment," she answered happily as she came in with their cups and handed one to Leo. "It's just so wonderful, Leo!"

Leo smiled. It was nice to see April happy like this. She truly loved Casey. Thinking back to Donnie's brief crush on her, he was glad that his brother had gotten over that quickly.

"So…" Leo knew he was going into sensitive waters. "Are you two going to get married, or…"

April's smile faded, and Leo cursed himself. "I… I asked him that…"

"And?"

"He said not anytime soon." She frowned pensively into her tea, worry invading her features. "Oh, well. I mean, I love him, he loves me, and we're going to be living together. That's all that matters." She forced a happy expression onto her face.

Leo smiled too, although his was just as forced. "I… had a weird dream last night. I hope you can tell me if it means anything."

April, who was not used to Leo opening up to her like this, paused hesitantly. "Well, of course!" she said. She was so used to Leo guarding himself that she treasured these rare moments where he would let her see a hidden part of his life.

"I…" Where to begin? The ticking of the clock in the background became more prominent. "I was… running…"

"Mm-hmm, and?"

"On the rooftops…" Leo's hand clenched over the arm of the chair he was in.

April frowned. So far, she wasn't getting anywhere.

"And?" she prodded.

Leo looked up, startled, as though he had forgotten she was there. "And… the whole city was covered in blood and dead bodies."

April gasped. How could such a heroic and gentle person- well, turtle- like Leo conjured up such images?

"I stopped on the roof of a hotel…" The darn clock was messing with Leo's thoughts! "My brothers were dead… they told me I failed them and that I could have saved him."

This last sentence had a certain amount of finality in it. April ventured on to say, "And then you woke up? Was that the whole dream?"

"Yes," said Leo firmly, running his finger along the rim of his tea cup.

April blinked. What a violent dream! From Raph, she wouldn't be surprised. But Leo? No wonder he was feeling a little down!

"It's okay, Leo," she soothed. "We can't help what we dream."

"But what does it mean?" Leo's eyes held fear and only fear- April was really surprised. Leo had never been this open with her.

"It means you fear failure too much," she explained calmly, putting a comforting hand on Leo's arm. "Relax. You know that would never happen."

Leo closed his eyes. "Thank you, April."

"Would you like to stay a bit longer?" she asked gently.

"Yes, please. Here, I'm done." He handed her his empty tea cup, and she took it.

"I'm going to clean the dishes. I'll be back in ten minutes. You can wait here. Oh, Leo, don't look at the computer, please." With this, she turned and disappeared into the kitchen.

Leo leaned back. A simple order. Another thing that he could easily follow.

_I wonder what it's like to not follow an order?_

Leo had never done anything like that before. But the more he thought about it, the more he grew seduced by it. What was it like to disobey a direct order?

Glancing at the door, Leo crept over to the laptop and opened the lid. Porn! April, watching porn! Shocked, he was frozen in place for a minute, before closing the lid. Yikes. Did everybody he knew have a secret life? April's secret was porn, his secret was his obsession with perfection…

Suddenly, a burning addiction took over him. It felt _good _to disobey an order! He pushed the feeling away, only to have it stubbornly return. Walking stealthily back to the couch, his heart raced from the fear of getting caught- and he loved it. He wanted more.

Scared at this new desire, he glanced toward the kitchen door, which hadn't yet opened. Did April give him any other orders before he left? Racking his brain, he drew a blank. Oh, well. He tried to calm the desire, but it simply flared up again. What was wrong with him?

April opened the door, smiling, and sat next to him on the couch. "That's why you're having a bad day, isn't it? The dream?"

"Yes."

Thunder sounded outside. April glanced towards the window. "Hmm. I didn't know there was going to be a thunderstorm. Oh, well." She turned back to Leo. "How about we watch a movie? We could invite Casey, too, if you want."

It seemed very appealing. Thunderstorm outside, good old action movie, April, Casey, a break from his brothers… how could Leo refuse? He nodded, and as April walked to the phone to call Casey, he glanced over at the computer again.

He was addicted. Addicted to disobedience.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you guys so much for your kind feedback and helpfulness. It is really, really appreciated! Yukio87, thank you for your review, and I'm glad you care so much about Leo's condition. Raph will slowly become a bigger character, as you mentioned. Dani-curtis-16- thank you for adding the story to your favorites. NeoMars, thank you for adding the story to your favorites. NeoMars, Jenny77739, Tiger-girl-14, TheSapphireGuardian, and dani-curtis-16, thank you for following the story! You guys are awesome and help motivate me to continue this! **

**I really love this story so far. Writing it is fun, and it allows me to really see deeper into what the characters are, especially Leo. Please review your predictions, I'm interested to see where you think this is headed! And no, I don't own TMNT. **

Casey Jones proved to be quite a distraction from Leo's new, rather morbid obsession. Right when he came into April's apartment, he knocked over a trash can- it all went downhill from there. April, Leo noticed, had quickly clicked out of her porn. Leo was still recovering from this latest shock. April, unassuming, polite April, doing something so… imperfect.

Anyway, Casey went on to accidently step on April's phone (which Leo told April he'd take home so that Donnie could repair it), smash a hole through the microwave when it wasn't fast enough for his liking (burning himself in the process) and for his last feat, right before the movie ended, he spilled soda all over April's couch.

"See ya tomorrow, babe," he called to her as he left.

April shook her head, rolling her eyes. Leo smiled a little, amused. "Would you like me to stay and help clean up?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, please, Leo." She grinned as he picked up her broken cell phone from the side table. "You're such a gentleman. Unlike some people." She glanced at the door, making it obvious who she was referring to.

"Don't thank me. Donnie's the one that's going to be fixing the phone. April, do you want me to take your microwave too?" Leo walked into the kitchen, followed by his human friend.

"That would be great." April leaned against the counter while she watched Leo neatly wrap the microwave in a bag. There was something wrong with him, she decided, but she wasn't sure what. Had he- no, Leo wouldn't disobey her and look at her laptop. He couldn't know about her porn. She wasn't actually used to watching such things- she was quite new to it, actually. That was her third or fourth video. It was her carefully guarded secret, one that she wasn't quite sure that she should trust with anybody at all.

"I'll help you clean up the soda." Leo's voice startled her out of her thoughts. "You wouldn't believe how much my brothers messed up breakfast this morning."

"What happened?" Her tone was light, trying to match his- it was as though they both knew something was wrong with the other, but didn't want to ask in fear of their various secrets being inquired about as well.

"Mikey spilled a whole carton of milk." Humor danced into Leonardo's otherwise dreary eyes. "Donnie spilled a bit of coffee. Mikey also spilled some cereal into the sink. Raph wouldn't stop cursing."

She laughed. "I hope that's not what breakfasts will be like when I move in with Casey!"

Leo smiled, picking up a roll of paper towels. "We'll dry the couch as best we can, but you might want to wash the pillow covers. Soda reeks if you let it stain too long."

"Not as much as milk," she returned playfully, grabbing a couple paper towels. To tell the truth, she was extraordinarily happy. Leo had never been this relaxed before, and he was obviously enjoying not having to worry about his brothers.

The two set to their work. Leo's mind buzzed with his new discoveries- his new love of disobedience, for one. This confliction with his whole 'perfection' goal. Which would win out, he wondered?  
>An inspiration came like a flash. He could become perfect later. First, he would succumb to his new desires. Sort of like a 'good-bye' present to his imperfections. He'd let his new desire reign for a while, before the perfect leader took the throne once more. Never again, after he had fulfilled his new lust, would he even allow an impure thought to enter his mind. Disobedience was so… <em>satisfying<em>. Every withheld emotion he had ever felt began to race around his body, tired of being confined for so long.

"Leo?" Her voice was distant, soft and concerned. "You've been cleaning the same place for two minutes."

"Sorry," he apologized. He could take April off his 'People to Disobey' list, because he'd already disobeyed her, though he wasn't sure he liked the results. Next was… let's see… what about Casey? Then he could move on to more serious matters, like his brothers, and possibly Splinter. Master Splinter…

Leo froze. He suddenly knew exactly what it was he wanted to do.

He wanted to disobey Master Splinter.

"No." He whispered the word, letting it escape into the air of April's apartment.

"What did you say?" she asked, pausing in her thorough scrubbing of the couch.

"Nothing," he said quickly, his heart beating manically. "Nothing. Really."

She gave him a skeptical look, but didn't question him. "Well, I guess we're done," she announced. "Thanks for taking the cell phone and microwave to Donnie, Leo. And thank him for me, too. I don't know where I'd be if he wasn't constantly fixing my stuff for free!"

"We'd all be lost without Donnie," agreed Leo, smiling and gathering his things. "Bye, April. Thanks for the movie and the popcorn. Well, the popcorn we _would_ have had," he added mournfully, glancing down at the microwave.

"See you later, Leo!" she called as he left.

"Bye," he said, before disappearing into the chilly evening air. He had spent most of the day at April's. It was now five o clock, almost time for dinner.

Back at the lair, the three turtles were making the most of their day off. Donnie was shut in his lab, Mikey was trying to improve his video game scores, and Raph was just sort of lounging around, sending off a 'stay away from me' aura. He was laying on the sofa, shifting around and trying to make himself comfortable as he glared up at the ceiling.

Truthfully, he was thinking. Thinking about Leonardo, mostly. Leo had always been some steady, immovable rock. Always calm, never drifting from whatever he set his mind on.

That was it. Raph sat up swiftly, banging his elbow in the process and cursing under his breath. Leo had his mind on something. He was trying to accomplish something, but what? Knowing Leo, it could be anything from perfecting a new fighting move to finding a way to create world peace.

Rolling his eyes, Raph got up and stretched. It took forever to talk Leo out of something, but it looked like he had to. But maybe he shouldn't be so worried? After all, Leo was, well, Leo. Now, if Mikey was being like this, then that might be cause for alarm.

It was settled. Until further signs that Leo was under distress, Raph wouldn't act. Smiling to himself, he closed his eyes and stretched out on his back again. He had just had a vigorous work out with his punching bag, and-

"Raph?"

Leo's voice cut through his thoughts. Raph opened one eye, glancing in his brother's direction. "Yeah, Fearless?"

"Please don't call me that. Listen, are you and Casey going to do your vigilante thing again tonight?"

Raph jumped up angrily, words tumbling out of his mouth. "Look, ya ain't gonna stop me from what I think is the right thing ta do! I don't care if it's against the law! D'ya know how many lives we've saved? Do ya? I don't care if it's past some silly bedtime, or if it makes ya feel like ya don't have control over the team! Because I-"

"Raph," said Leo gently. "I wanted to go with you."

Raph gaped. Leo's thoughts whirled. He was doing this to get closer to Casey- in the hopes that Casey would give him a direct order.

"I…" Raph managed to gasp out.

Leo waited patiently for Raph to get over his shock.

"I… Did Masta Splinta put ya up ta somethin'?" Raph asked, all rage gone and perplexity replacing it.

"No," replied Leo calmly.

Raph blinked, startled. Was he is some alternate universe? Was Leo really just trying to get him to stop his antics once and for all? _What was going on?_

Confusion rattled around in the hothead's brain, and in the process his mouth opened against his will and he let one single word escape- "Yes."

"Thanks, Raph." Leo seemed awkward and embarrassed, but relieved at the same time. "When will you be meeting with him?"

"Uh, midnight, at the top of the Red Carpet Inn. The one that isn't far from here."

"Thanks," Leo said again, before departing quickly. "I'm going to go see if dinner's ready. I'll see you then," he called behind him.

Raph propped himself up on his elbow and reached for his T-phone. Tapping on speed dial, he chose the first number that came up.

"Casey? I got somethin' ta tell ya."

"Oh, no. Did Leo catch you doing something again? Don't tell me you're grounded." Raph and Casey had stopped bothering with hello's and goodbye's years ago. The person who had called was the one that started the conversation, with little to no recognition of the person on the other end. And once they had finished their conversation, there were no formalities. You didn't have to say 'goodbye' or 'see you later' or 'I've gotta go, bye.' It was simple- if you wanted to stop talking, you hung up. Done.

Politeness was not either's forte.

"No, Leo didn't ground me. He… well, Casey, he…"

"What, Raph? What is it?"

"Well…"

"Spit it out, wouldja?" Casey's impatience showed in his tone. Raph sighed, leaning back and massaging his scalp. It wasn't like him to be tongue-tied.

"Leo's comin' with us."

Silence followed his proclamation. Finally Casey said, "You're kidding."

"Nope."

"You mean he's actually going to supervise us? How crazy is he! He knows that won't work!"

"I… Casey, I'm positive of one thing: he ain't comin' ta supavise us."

Another silence.

"Raph, please tell me you're kidding. If this is a joke, it isn't funny."

Raph shook his head vigorously, then, remembering Casey couldn't see him, felt foolish. "Casey, somethin' ain't right with Leo."

"No kidding."

"Would ya please stop sayin' that?" Raph head began to throb, and he grabbed it in his right hand, wondering what this world was coming to.

"Leo would never want to come with us. He hates us being vigilantes." Casey's tone was confused. "Why on Earth would he want to come with us?"

"I don't know, that's the problem." Raph wasn't getting anywhere. "Look, I'll talk ta him later. I want ta know what's wrong with him. I'll just… ask him if he's feelin' bad." Raph wondered if the words sounded as lame to Casey as they did to him. "Have you noticed anything weird about him lately?"

"He was at April's earlier."

"What?"

"Yeah, we watched a James Bond movie. He seemed okay then. He was just sort of frustrated when I broke April's phone."

"Ya broke her _phone_?"

"Yep. And her microwave. And I spilled soda all over her couch."

Rolling his eyes, Raph ended the call. While Casey was great for discussing anger issues and venting some steam, he wasn't so good at deep thinking. And, like it or not, if you have a sibling you have to participate in deep thinking every once in a while.

"I heard the whole thing."

Raph jumped at a voice behind him. Frightened out of his wits, he jumped up and got into battle stance, before sighing, relieved. "Donnie," he breathed.

Donnie gave a quick smile before sitting down in a chair near the sofa. "You've noticed something's wrong with him, too?"

"Sure I have. I ain't no idiot." Raph ran his fingers up and down the arm of the sofa. "He's different, Donnie."

"I know," said the genius quietly. "I know. But he seriously asked you to go with you and Casey."

"Yeah, I ain't kiddin'! Wait… ferget I said that." Shuddering at Casey's overuse of the word, he continued. "The point is, somethin's wrong with Fearless and we've got ta figure out what it is!"

"You forget that I'm a scientist," Donnie countered, a sly smile conquering his features. "We just need to conduct a couple experiments."

Raph rolled his eyes again, his headache wiping out his temper. "Do whateva ya need to, genius. Just stop the madness." He left the room in search of pizza to hopefully help his head. Donnie sat in contemplation for a few minutes, before ideas came, first in a trickle and then in a landslide. Grabbing a notebook and a pencil from the side table, he got to work scheming.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Mikey was about to open the pizza he had ordered. "Bow down, I say!" He called shrilly. "Bow down to the mighty greatness and deity that we know as pizza! Let the intoxicating scent-"

Raph, who had just entered the room, grabbed the box out of his brother's hands, opened it roughly, and downed two slices as though there was no tomorrow.

Mikey whimpered. "Thou hast angered the gods, Raphael!"

"Shut up," Raph muttered, grabbing a third slice. "Where's Fearless? I thought he said he's be in here."

"Raph, let Mikey have his little ritual if he wants it so much." Leo made his entrance. "And I was meditating."

"Meditatin'! Meditatin'! That's all ya think of anymore!" yelled Raph, before remembering abruptly that he was supposed to ask Leo if he was okay.

Leo looked rather annoyed at his brother's observation, but made no comment. Instead, he grabbed a slice of pizza from Mikey's box, the owner of which watching them eagerly, before sitting down at the table and consuming it slowly, avoiding eye contact.

Splinter waltzed in, all dignity and no flaws, and prepared tea. Raph noticed Leo giving their father an odd look. What was that about?

Donnie came in next, his eyes shining as though they had seen wonders. Maybe they had- no one was truly sure what went on in Don's lab. Except, of course, the genius himself.

"Tonight is a late work night, I'm afraid," he informed the onlookers cheerfully, digging around in a cabinet for a mug. "Lots to do. I was already working on something when you gave me the microwave and the phone. I'm absolutely swamped," he sang, as though that were a good thing. Raph snorted, Mikey chuckled, and Leo allowed a tiny smile to break through his isolation.

"Work ethic is one of the best things someone can be given, my sons," Splinter added. "Your brother Donatello is the primary example."

"Yes, Sensei," replied Leo, deadly serious as ever. Don smiled a knowing sort of grin and continued to hum cheerily under his breath.

"I've been hard at work, too!" Mikey argued defiantly.

"And what great advancements in science did you make, my son?" inquired Splinter, smiling humorously and flicking his tail good-naturedly.

"Well…" Mikey thought for a moment. "Did you know that Pacman has a level of four hundred fifty-seven?"

Splinter chuckled quietly. Mikey looked quite pleased with himself.

"Masta Splinta, I'm gonna go and see Casey tanight," Raph told the rat.

Splinter's humor disappeared and his whiskers twitched with disapproval. "I cannot stop you from going above ground at night. But please, Raphael, for all our sakes be careful."

"I will," Raph promised. After letting a few moments of silence slip by, he added craftily, "So will Leo."

Mikey and Splinter's eyes widened in shock as they stared at the eldest turtle. Raph settled back in his seat, smirking to himself. Leo kept his gaze on his pizza as though his life depended on it. Donnie just kept humming and smiling that silly smile of his, and Raph doubted that he even knew what was going on.

"Leo?" Mikey asked in wonder. "Leo's going all vigilante on us?"

"No!" the leader protested, waving his hands in fanatic denial. "I just… want to see what it's like."

"Leonardo," said Master Splinter sharply. "Is this true?"

Leo nodded wordlessly.

Splinter considered the situation for a minute-Raph smirking, Leo wallowing in deep shame, Mikey awestruck, and Donnie completely oblivious, looking as though he were daydreaming.

"Leonardo…" Splinter's voice took a softer tone. "My son…" His tail and ears both began to droop. "My son. You disappoint me."

Leo looked so guilty that Raph felt a little sorry for him.

"I was truly hoping-I had complete faith-that you would not pick up this vigilante nonsense."

"It's just for one night," Leo whispered.

"I realize that, Leonardo. I trust you. Please, protect your brother and his comrade. Perhaps it is better this way." Splinter stood and left the room with his tea, his ears and tail still drooping.

Silence returned. The smirk had been wiped off Raph's face, and he was staring at the door Splinter had gone out of. Leo's head was bowed and his eyes were closed. Tremors, albeit small ones, tore through his body. Mikey's mouth and eyes were wide open, and once and a while little gasps escaped through his mouth. Donnie gad stopped humming, but he was still completely unaware of what had just happened, and he still had a huge grin on his face as he paged through a magazine of scientific equipment.

Raph stole a glance at Leo.

Their eyes met.

And Raph had never seen a more heartbreaking image.


	4. Chapter 4

**So, here we are on chapter four! I'm really pleased with how this is going and at all the feedback I'm getting. I've decided to stop mentioning every favorite and follow that I get (eighteen followers! I can't believe it!) but please know that it's still incredibly appreciated! I will, however, still respond to reviews. Yukio 87- Yeah, Raph was kind of a jerk in that last chapter, but let's hope he'll get better! TJHECTOR- Thanks! That first chapter was something I wrote a while ago (I'm forever obsessed with Leo) so I thought I'd add it in, just to see if it was any good. Sairey13- I'm excited to see what you think of what's going to happen next! I'm really glad you like it so far! Divergentlover523- Thanks for the compliment! :) I plan on updating more often now that this story is becoming so popular.**

**As always, reviews help me SO much, so drop one in if you can! Thanks, and I hope you like this next chapter! Let's see what happens when our favorite leader teams up with our favorite vigilantes….**

The cold wind nipped at Leo's bandanna, making it billow out behind him. Raph was in front of him, leading the way. Leo shivered and closed his eyes, thinking back to what Splinter had said. Was it really right for him to give in to his new obsession? But his whole body was on edge. He was eager to disregard any orders Casey gave them tonight. A fire of apprehension stole through him. What would happen? What did Raph and Casey even do on these nights? He was about to find out the hard way.

"Does Casey know I'm coming?" Leo asked his brother nervously.

"Yeah, he does," Raph responded, leaping swiftly from one roof to the next. "I called him right after you left."

"Did he mind?" Leo felt his heart begin to race, and it wasn't just from running hard. Oh, when would he get to feel that thrill of disobedience, and the incredible explosion of fear that ran through his veins as he worried about getting caught?

What was it about disobeying orders that had gotten him addicted to it? Was it because he hadn't ever done it before? Was it because he was sick of trying to be perfect? And why was it specifically Splinter that he wanted to disobey?

Raph answered Leo's question, but he didn't hear. If Casey minded him being there, then that wasn't Leo's problem.

"We're almost there, Fearless," called Raph. "Are ya sure ya want ta do this?"

"Yes," answered Leo firmly. He reflected on what Raph had just said, and then, startled, noticed something.

Raph's Brooklyn accent was as clear as ever, but why did he have it and not the others? Because he was the one that went against Splinter's orders and went topside more often. The others might have it, too, if they hung around New York vigilantes and criminals all night, every night. The accent was like Raph's badge of pride, the one that said 'I go behind Splinter's back every single night.'

Leo tried to imagine speaking in such a way, but shook his head violently at the thought. That would simply not do.

Finally, Raph came to a stop on the roof of the Red Carpet Inn. Casey didn't appear to be there yet, so Raph turned and presented the roof to Leo with a grand, sweeping gesture. "The HQ of our vigilante success," he pronounced.

"Nice," Leo approved. In the corner, some of Casey's various baseball bats and hockey sticks lay, waiting for their master patiently. Other than that, the roof was nice and clean… unlike Raph's bedroom. That must have been why he liked it up here so much. In Leo's experience, people with messy rooms were naturally drawn to clean, open spaces. He himself liked nice, quiet nooks, where you could settle in with a book and a cup of tea and relax. There was one spot in the lair that was perfect for that, but it had been more than a year since Leo had allowed himself to relax that way.

Raph had one of his sais out, and was currently swinging it back and forth, lost in thought. What he was thinking about, Leo could only guess. Maybe about which criminals they were going to beat up?

"So what's one the schedule for tonight?" asked Leo.

Raph gave him a 'what the heck' look. "Schedule?"

"You know, what do you have planned?"

Raph gave him an even weirder look. "Plan?"

"Well, yeah."

"Buddy, in this business, we don't plan," Raph informed him.

"How late are you guys going to stay out?"

Raph shrugged. "I dunno. We'll just go home wheneva we feel like it."

Wheneva. Leo repeated that in his head and tried to imagine saying it. "So, what's a typical night like for you?"

"Well, Casey and I meet up here, we practice-fight for a while- well, sometimes it turns inta a real fight- and then we go on patrol, sorta. Like, we run around the streets until we see anythin' suspicious. Then we attack and beat the thugs up. When we get tired of doing that, we go back here again, talk for a few minutes, and then go. It all depends on how much crime we see." As Raph recounted the events, he listed them on his fingers, as though he was trying to keep track of it all. "But there have been some wild cards, too. One time Casey and I were fightin', and we just kept goin' till sunrise. We don't have a schedule, Fearless. Sorry."

Leo thought it over. It was a new and different life style, invigorating and forbidden. But just how forbidden? How far could he stretch the limits?

"I'm here," called a voice. Casey Jones landed on the roof. "Hey, Leo. Nice ta see ya."

"Um, yeah, you too." Leo suddenly felt the need fire up within him again- the need to disregard orders.

"This'll be excitin'. A three-way fight." Raph cracked his knuckles as Casey went to get his weapons. "Hey, Casey, baseball bat tanight, or the hockey stick?"

"I'm thinkin tonight's a baseball bat night," the vigilante responded as he thrust the aforementioned item in the air. "Don't worry, Leo, I'll take it easy on ya."

Trash talk. Something that Leo was familiar with and knew how to do, he just had never participated in it before. It would be rude and improper, and besides that, it would- oh, just let it go! Let it all go!  
>"I don't think that'll be necessary," Leo shot back cockily, his eyes gleaming, full of ego. Casey just chuckled, but Raph did a double take. Leo? Trash talking and having an ego? Since when? Leo wasn't supposed to get cocky during fights. He always told Raph about the importance of not trash talking.<p>

"In fact," Leo continued, much to his own shock, "If I don't go easy on you, you'd be splattered all over the floor. So I wouldn't talk." He smirked as he said this, and he felt disgusted with himself.

Raph nearly toppled over. Leo smirking and trash talking at the same time! What was going on?

Casey chuckled darkly. "You're awfully feisty tonight, ain't cha? I guess even leaders need to blow off steam."

Something flickered in Leo's eyes, but his smirk remained. "If you're so confident in your ability, why don't we start?"

"Gladly."

They leapt at each other, Raph completely forgotten, and (despite what they had said about going easy) tore at each other roughly, snarling the whole time.

Raph's eyes widened. "Leo…" he whispered under his breath. Who was this new turtle, trash talking, egotistical, cocky and arrogant? Not Leo. It couldn't be Leo….

Yet it was, and it was the very same Leo that won the sparring match. He had his feet planted on either side of Casey's body and his sword at his human friend's throat. Casey had his hands raised in surrender.

"You did pretty good for an idiot mutant freak," Casey joked good-naturedly as Leo helped him up.

Leo smirked- again. "Thanks. You did pretty well for a hot-headed idiot vigilante."

Raph blinked, flabbergasted. "Uh…" was all he managed to say, and, to his annoyance, it came out like a squeak. He cleared his throat and tried again. "We should really start-"

Suddenly, a woman's scream was heard. Everyone on the roof turned.

"We're in business!" whooped Casey, running towards the source of the sound.

Raph was about to follow, but then he turned back to Leo.

Leo knew what that look meant. It meant Raph was completely and utterly shocked. Leo was, too- at himself. It was one of his rules not to trash talk, or have an ego. He didn't know what, but something had come out of him- and he felt _good_.

"Who are you and what have you done to my brother?" asked Raph, before he disappeared after Casey.

It took a few seconds for Leo to realize that Raph was being serious.

They caught up with Casey in a dark alley, where there were a group of men attempting to rob a woman. She was screaming as one man held a knife to her throat.

"Let her go!" cried Casey, running at them wielding his bat. There were about five there. Leo took out a katana, and Raph took out both his sais.

Casey attempted to take on all five at once, while Raph stood and watched. Leo gave him a funny look.

"Aren't we going to help him?" Leo asked.

"Not unless he really needs it. Casey got here first, so it's his job. It's first come, first serve," Raph explained. "Every man for himself."

"Oh." This made no sense to Leo, but he went with it anyway.

Casey was obviously beginning to get tired after the third guy went down, but Raph stayed firmly in place, and Leo hesitantly copied him. Casey managed to get all five knocked out, though, and then called Raph over.

"The woman ran away screamin," Casey said. "What do ya say we do with these guys?"

"Turn them into the police," Leo said without thinking.

This earned him two eye rolls.

"Leo, man, you run with us, then the boys in blue don't get involved," Casey said.

Right. Of course.

"Let's just leave them here," Raph decided. "They've learned their lesson, haven't they?"

"Good point, Raph." Casey turned back to Leo. "Leo, I've got a rule for you."

A tremor shot through the turtle's body.

"When we fight like this at night, we don't show mercy. Sometimes, we'll have ta kill guys. We don't go out of our way to make sure that they're safe." Casey nodded at the five he had knocked out. "This went smoothly, though. I didn't have ta kill anyone."

"He wouldn't have hesitated to do it, though," Raph added quickly.

There. That was Leo's order from Casey. He was ready to disobey. He was ready to break the rules. A grin plastered itself on his face. "Okay, I got it."

Casey nodded and turned away, but Raph shot Leo a suspicious look. "Casey, call me if you hear anythin'. I'm gonna talk ta Fearless for a minute."

"Go ahead," Casey said. "Brother to brother talk, I get it."

"Thanks." Raph led Leo deeper into the alley, and Casey left to wait for them outside.

"What the hell's wrong with ya, bro?" Raph said suddenly, turning on Leo and glaring.

"Nothing," Leo insisted sharply, shaking his head.

"If I don't go easy on ya, you'll be splattered all over the floor," breathed Raph.

Leo winced, hearing his words from earlier. "Well, you've said worse."

"I'm not the point!" Raph made a x in front of himself with his hands, as though he was crossing himself out. "Ya've got ta listen ta me. Ya neva trash talk. Eva. Why did ya do it just now?"

Leo shook his head. "I'm fine, Raph! There's nothing wrong!"

Raph gave him another skeptical glare. "The Leo that I know doesn't have an ego. He doesn't like fighting people for no reason, and he wouldn't even be here in the first place!"

"You're talking to the Leo you know!" whispered Leo harshly. "I'm right here! I ain't- I mean-"

Leo covered his mouth abruptly, horrified at himself. Raph stared with wide eyes.

"Did ya just…" he muttered.

Leo tried to catch his breath and calm his heart. "I… I'm NOT going anywhere, Raph. I'm the same old Leonardo Hamato that I always was. Just like you're the same old Raphael Hamato that you always were."

Raph shook his head. "I haven't changed the way I talk… or my accent."

Leo felt his face heat up. "That just slipped out. You say it so much that it was bound to happen at some point."

Raph scoffed. "I don't care what ya say, Leo. Ya need help."

"You're not sending me home, are you?"

Raph paused. "Well, no, I ain't, but-"

"Guys!" Casey came bursting into the alley. "Listen, there are some guys in the alley two blocks from here that ain't up to no good!"

"What're they doin'?" Raph asked lazily, stretching and unsheathing his sais.

"They're countin' money they robbed from a bank. Come on!" Casey ran off, Raph and Leo tagging along behind him.

Casey was right- there were ten gang members, seven men, three women, counting money and laughing to themselves. Casey got there first, so he got first pick- he took on five. Raph took on four, leaving Leo with a grand total of one.

Leo unsheathed a katana. That's when he heard Casey call out, "Raph, Leo, these guys are tough! We can't let them live! Fight ta kill!"

That was all Leo needed. He quickly knocked his out, and, unseen, slipped out of the alley, taking the goon with him. He spotted an empty police patrol car and put his prisoner gently next to it. His heart was beating wildly- he had just disobeyed an order! The same thrill as before swept through him, and his addiction heightened. Relieved, he returned quietly to the alley, where Raph and Casey were finishing off the last of them.

"There were some we didn't need to kill," Casey explained. "Hey, Leo, what did ya do with yours?"

"I, um, killed him. He's over in that dumpster over there." Leo pointed, feeling very… odd. He had just disobeyed an order and then lied about it. Then again, it wasn't a very honorable order, so Leo felt like he had an excuse to disobey it. And lie about it. It worked both ways.

"Oh." Casey looked surprised, and Raph looked hurt, like Leo had just betrayed him, but quickly snapped out of it.

"Well, it's gettin' late," Raph pointed out. "Three AM. Casey, I'll go with ya to the roof ta put away your baseball bat. Leo, I'll be back at the lair in a few. See ya, bro."

"Bye," Leo said uncertainly, before leaving. The second he was out of the alley, Raph and Casey turned to each other, wide-eyed, talking so fast they couldn't understand each other.

"-been like that all week-"

"-April's house yesterday-"

"-Trash talking, and an ego!"

"-killed someone! Can you believe it?"

"-don't know what caused this, but I swear I will-"

"-Meditating all the time, don't know how to stop him-"

Then the talking died down, and for a second they just sat, scared and tired.

"I can't believe it," Casey said softly. "He looked me right in the eye, ya know, when we were trash talking and showing off, and there was this glint in them I didn't recognize. It's like he's a new person. Er, turtle."

"Exactly." Raph and Casey started slowly strolling towards the Red Carpet Inn. "He's been acting funny for a while. Last night I caught him organizing his books in the middle of the night."

"Are ya sure he's going ta be okay?"

The question caught Raph off guard. "I ain't sure of anythin'. Donnie's noticed it, too, but he was completely distracted durin' dinner. I guess he's workin' on some genius plan. And Mikey is just shocked. I feel bad fer the little guy, ya know? It ain't like it's his fault. And ya should've seen Splinter's face when I told him that Leo was comin' with me. It was like the world ended."

"Maybe it's all the pressure?" Casey asked. "You guys are sorta responsible for the fate of New York City. And he's responsible for all of you. Maybe he's going completely crazy."

Raph would have raised his eyebrows if he had any. Instead, he gave Casey a confused look.

"Ya know, like, maybe he'll have to go to an asylum or something." Casey made hand gestures while he spoke, mapping out the whole thing. "And they'll have to lock him up! Do you think he'll get a strait jacket?"

Raph began to feel like he was the only one not going insane. "I'll see ya tomorrow. I might call ya, too."

"Got it. Bye." Casey took off into the night. Raph wondered why they said goodbye in real life, but not on the phone. Maybe some habits were just too common and overused to break.

When Raph got back to the lair, Leo was already in his bedroom, with the door shut and the lights off. Everything would have been pitch black if it wasn't for Donnie's lab. The light was on, and it flowed through the slight crack between the door and the wall.

Raph knocked lightly, grabbing the doorknob so that his knocking wouldn't open the door.

"Come in," he heard Donnie's voice say. Raph opened the door and gazed around. Donnie was by his laptop.

"You were distracted during dinner tanight," Raph said. "Have you figured anything out about Leo yet?"

"Not yet. I've been working on other things." Donnie yawned and stretched, rubbing the deep, permanent circles under his eyes. "Why did he get home so late? Where was he?"

Raph rolled his eyes. "If you had been listening, shellhead, then you would have heard the whole thing!"

"Right. Sorry. My mind was on other things. Tell me what happened."

And so Raph recounted the whole event, word for word as it happened, as Donnie listened, amazed, shocked- and clueless as to what to do.


End file.
